Out w/ the Old

When the news industry had no enemy but itself, the hubris of Citizen Kane seemed the perfect metaphor. But then that whole internet thing happened, Hollywood became obsessed with rebooting everything shortly thereafter, and suddenly a vigilante-tycoon-with-a-fetish-for-print-media doesn't sound so crazy. Throw some action movie kebab on the fire, suggest it will debut in 3D, and well... "now you're playing with power." If the Coen brothers can inject their existential goo into True Grit, I don't see why the universe would have a problem with it.

TED Thyself

I love TED Talks; everybody should. Experts giving lectures in their fields, streamed online for free... what's not to love? I've posted some TED stuff before, so when I saw Dr. Sebastian Wernicke eviscerate the polarities of TED Talk popularity, it was begging to be shared.

"... If you came here to talk about how French coffee will spread happiness in our brains, that's a go!"

Dr. Wernicke illustrates his points so well that you can't help but giggle at all the silly humans, or be inspired to apply his methods. For instance, TED user Claudio Furet commented on the video with a guide to getting "really high votes" on your TED comments.

Get your own tedPAD and start being an expert today.

Death of a Meme

I first saw Downfall (Der Untergang) a number of years ago... probably 2006 or 2007. Without the internet, the bunker scene is bereft of humor; it is simply an interpretation of Hitler taking bad news badly, albeit a powerful one thanks to the ranting skills of Bruno Ganz. But on YouTube, Hitler found the time to bitch about everybody's problems. And he was often funny, unless you actually speak German. Despite trying to blitzkrieg the world in the name of lebensraum, and that whole Holocaust thing, Hitler finally found a way to become the everyman he'd always wanted to be. I'll bet there are even some Jews out there who will miss him, or at least his internet incarnation. Time may well heal all wounds, but don't be surprised if your suture scars are making a funny face at you.

Head over to the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) if you're interested in reading more about copyright law and fair use.

Something Original?

Dear Mr. Burton,

When was the last time you went for broke on untrodden ground? When was the last time you weren't adapting something (Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) or essentially rehashing old ideas (Corpse Bride)? 2003... Big Fish. Before that? Not counting the underwhelming Stainboy shorts, 1996... Mars Attacks!. And, for as much as I personally enjoy the movie, Martian invaders aren't exactly revolutionary. I adore Ed Wood (1994), but the only truly original part of that movie is that Eddie never met Orson Welles in real life. I'm obviously not going to count either of the Batman movies, so what does that leave us? Edward Scissorhands (1990) and Beetlejuice (1988). All I'm saying is that you've been riding a wave of popularity for being so 'bizarre' when you really haven't been since the 90's.

Maybe a little fresh blood would help. When was the last time you didn't cast Johnny Depp? Big Fish. Or your wife, Helena Bonham Carter? Sleepy Hollow (1999). On top of that, the only films of yours Danny Elfman hasn't scored are Sweeney Todd (which, of course, came with its own music) and Ed Wood. It's not that Johnny or Helena aren't laden with an overabundance of talent, because they clearly are; it's not that I don't enjoy Danny Elfman's music. I guess I just see other directors using other actors and getting along just fine.

Maybe taking a little extra time to develop truly new ideas would give us a whole new set of reasons to hail you as the King of Weird Shit. In the meantime, I'm giving pieces of that crown to Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) , Neil Gaiman (Coraline and MirrorMask), Terry Gilliam (The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus and Tideland), Richard Kelly (Southland Tales and Donnie Darko), Tarsem Singh (The Fall), and Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim).

It's not that I don't look forward to seeing your latest projects, Tim. I enjoy being able to recognize that something's got the Burton touch, not unlike gratuitous shots of women's feet in a Tarantino film. What I'm trying to say is that you haven't challenged me as a viewer for quite some time.

Index This

For a YouTube channel whose most popular - and largely humorless - series of videos is called Make a Hot Girl Laugh, the satire in Google Threatens To Kill Users is surprisingly well-written. Like we needed any more proof that the phrase "XXX,000,000 (insert here) Fans Can't Be Wrong" is complete f***ing bull****.

Google, where's my gTeleport already?

The Life Arachnid

I think Wes Anderson's penchant for ensemble casting would make him go whole hog for the entire Avengers team. Personally, though, I think he'd have more fun with Runaways.

While I'm dreaming, Quentin Tarantino will reboot X-Men, J.J. Abrams will reclaim Star Wars, Joss Whedon will do Y: The Last Man justice, Guillermo del Toro will bring The Walking Dead to life, Peter Jackson will dazzle us with Fables, Zack Snyder will use his 300 magic on Northlanders, Paul Greengrass will unleash DMZ, Martin Scorsese will find the darkest parts of Scalped, and Christopher Nolan will take the WildStorm universe seriously enough to create a trilogy featuring characters from Team 7, Stormwatch, and The Authority.

Did I miss anybody?