Still Lost

I have mixed feelings about the ending of Lost. On one hand, I'm glad the show isn't going to limp along aimlessly. On the other hand, I've hated the Jacob storyline for a while now. For a show that spent so much time trying to raise the world's consciousness of electromagnetism (and time travel, and alternate universes), this heart-of-the-island fairy light bullshit doesn't fly with me. But then why would I give credence to a silly-ass smoke monster? I digress.

Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse clearly didn't heed the advice of Brian Cox's character in Adaptation: "I'll tell you a secret. The last act makes a film. Wow them in the end, and you got a hit. You can have flaws, problems, but wow them in the end, and you've got a hit. Find an ending, but don't cheat, and don't you dare bring in a deus ex machina. Your characters must change, and the change must come from them. Do that, and you'll be fine."

The characters changed and I found that interesting enough. I thought the addition of long-dead characters into the alternate universe was a nice touch, if blatantly sentimental. I just don't feel like the writers found a real ending. Maybe that's what happens when people demand answers to questions you created simply for an air of mystery. Maybe that means I'd like a hyper-convoluted version of Gilligan's Island. Meh.

So what's my point? If the endings of Battlestar Galactica and Lost are any indication: you'll be interested in the fates of characters on any show you spend time watching, but the likelihood that the end of your show will suck the big one increases exponentially if some big damn mystery is at the center of it all. Kind of like a run-on sentence.

Unless you're Joss Whedon. Because Joss Whedon doesn't suck.

P.S. I think Fringe is pretty awesome right now, but the head writers (Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci) are hit-or-miss. Transformers AND Star Trek? I'm torn. Don't even get me started on Akiva Goldsman. That guy thinks he's cool, but he's not.

Something Original?

Dear Mr. Burton,

When was the last time you went for broke on untrodden ground? When was the last time you weren't adapting something (Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) or essentially rehashing old ideas (Corpse Bride)? 2003... Big Fish. Before that? Not counting the underwhelming Stainboy shorts, 1996... Mars Attacks!. And, for as much as I personally enjoy the movie, Martian invaders aren't exactly revolutionary. I adore Ed Wood (1994), but the only truly original part of that movie is that Eddie never met Orson Welles in real life. I'm obviously not going to count either of the Batman movies, so what does that leave us? Edward Scissorhands (1990) and Beetlejuice (1988). All I'm saying is that you've been riding a wave of popularity for being so 'bizarre' when you really haven't been since the 90's.

Maybe a little fresh blood would help. When was the last time you didn't cast Johnny Depp? Big Fish. Or your wife, Helena Bonham Carter? Sleepy Hollow (1999). On top of that, the only films of yours Danny Elfman hasn't scored are Sweeney Todd (which, of course, came with its own music) and Ed Wood. It's not that Johnny or Helena aren't laden with an overabundance of talent, because they clearly are; it's not that I don't enjoy Danny Elfman's music. I guess I just see other directors using other actors and getting along just fine.

Maybe taking a little extra time to develop truly new ideas would give us a whole new set of reasons to hail you as the King of Weird Shit. In the meantime, I'm giving pieces of that crown to Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) , Neil Gaiman (Coraline and MirrorMask), Terry Gilliam (The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus and Tideland), Richard Kelly (Southland Tales and Donnie Darko), Tarsem Singh (The Fall), and Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim).

It's not that I don't look forward to seeing your latest projects, Tim. I enjoy being able to recognize that something's got the Burton touch, not unlike gratuitous shots of women's feet in a Tarantino film. What I'm trying to say is that you haven't challenged me as a viewer for quite some time.

Remember the Death Star(s)

Sometimes humor and Star Wars are the only medicine.