Just Say No-No

James Blagden created this animated short about Doc Ellis' no-hitter (June 12, 1970) using audio from a Weekend America interview that aired on March 29, 2008. Doc describes himself as being "high as a Georgia pine" during the game, under the influence of LSD. In the wake of Major League Baseball's steroid scandal, it's almost encouraging to hear a story about a guy accomplishing one of baseball's rarest achievements while he was hallucinating.

GIF Talk

Evan Roth (of G.R.L. and F.A.T.) has created a 10-minute ode to the asinine antics of animated Graphics Interchange Format files. What better way to celebrate than setting this massive mashup to Girl Talk and marvelling at how obsessed we are with babies and cats and science fiction and...

Things I Like, Things I Don't Like

Before Jean-Pierre Jeunet gave us Amélie, he had already perfected the style of his character introductions many years before in Foutaises (known as "Things I Like, Things I Don't Like" in the UK and "Small Talk" elsewhere in Europe). While Jeunet's developing talent is the main attraction, it's also clear to see why Dominique Pinon continues to appear in all of the director's films.

Go see Jeunet's latest, Micmacs, if you can find it... And yes, Pinon's in there somewhere.

Out w/ the Old

When the news industry had no enemy but itself, the hubris of Citizen Kane seemed the perfect metaphor. But then that whole internet thing happened, Hollywood became obsessed with rebooting everything shortly thereafter, and suddenly a vigilante-tycoon-with-a-fetish-for-print-media doesn't sound so crazy. Throw some action movie kebab on the fire, suggest it will debut in 3D, and well... "now you're playing with power." If the Coen brothers can inject their existential goo into True Grit, I don't see why the universe would have a problem with it.

BP Spills Coffee

As a show of faith in the ability of BP (or anyone for that matter) to clean up the oil spill, Upright Citizens Brigade presents you with some acerbic salve for the soul. After a long day of cleaning globs of petroleum off of whatever livelihood you've lost, what better way to unwind than laughing until you cry into your beer. Please, just be careful not to spill.

Still Lost

I have mixed feelings about the ending of Lost. On one hand, I'm glad the show isn't going to limp along aimlessly. On the other hand, I've hated the Jacob storyline for a while now. For a show that spent so much time trying to raise the world's consciousness of electromagnetism (and time travel, and alternate universes), this heart-of-the-island fairy light bullshit doesn't fly with me. But then why would I give credence to a silly-ass smoke monster? I digress.

Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse clearly didn't heed the advice of Brian Cox's character in Adaptation: "I'll tell you a secret. The last act makes a film. Wow them in the end, and you got a hit. You can have flaws, problems, but wow them in the end, and you've got a hit. Find an ending, but don't cheat, and don't you dare bring in a deus ex machina. Your characters must change, and the change must come from them. Do that, and you'll be fine."

The characters changed and I found that interesting enough. I thought the addition of long-dead characters into the alternate universe was a nice touch, if blatantly sentimental. I just don't feel like the writers found a real ending. Maybe that's what happens when people demand answers to questions you created simply for an air of mystery. Maybe that means I'd like a hyper-convoluted version of Gilligan's Island. Meh.

So what's my point? If the endings of Battlestar Galactica and Lost are any indication: you'll be interested in the fates of characters on any show you spend time watching, but the likelihood that the end of your show will suck the big one increases exponentially if some big damn mystery is at the center of it all. Kind of like a run-on sentence.

Unless you're Joss Whedon. Because Joss Whedon doesn't suck.

P.S. I think Fringe is pretty awesome right now, but the head writers (Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci) are hit-or-miss. Transformers AND Star Trek? I'm torn. Don't even get me started on Akiva Goldsman. That guy thinks he's cool, but he's not.

TED Thyself

I love TED Talks; everybody should. Experts giving lectures in their fields, streamed online for free... what's not to love? I've posted some TED stuff before, so when I saw Dr. Sebastian Wernicke eviscerate the polarities of TED Talk popularity, it was begging to be shared.

"... If you came here to talk about how French coffee will spread happiness in our brains, that's a go!"

Dr. Wernicke illustrates his points so well that you can't help but giggle at all the silly humans, or be inspired to apply his methods. For instance, TED user Claudio Furet commented on the video with a guide to getting "really high votes" on your TED comments.

Get your own tedPAD and start being an expert today.

May The Fourth Be With You

Merry Unofficial Star Wars Day!



A long time ago, before Star Wars according to a three year old, before Star Wars retold by someone who hasn't seen it, there was Evan Mather. I first saw Quentin Tarantino's Star Wars and Godzilla Versus Disco Lando during my freshman year of college... ten years ago now. While they might seem unremarkable in the YouTube storm of action-figure opuses, nobody makes better use of Meco.

Go F*ck Yourselves Now

You've probably heard about Muhammad being represented in a South Park episode. You've probably heard about it being censored by Comedy Central because some assholes (ie. Revolution Islam) said that Matt Stone and Trey Parker would "probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show". You may have even heard that the website for Revolution Islam now bears several images "offensive" to Islam, including one of the famous Jyllands-Posten cartoons drawn by Kurt Westergaard. But now you've seen what must be considered the best response to the whole mess: Jon Stewart's Go F*ck Yourselves Choir.

In summary, I'll leave you with the immortal words of Camus:

"Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear."

Death of a Meme

I first saw Downfall (Der Untergang) a number of years ago... probably 2006 or 2007. Without the internet, the bunker scene is bereft of humor; it is simply an interpretation of Hitler taking bad news badly, albeit a powerful one thanks to the ranting skills of Bruno Ganz. But on YouTube, Hitler found the time to bitch about everybody's problems. And he was often funny, unless you actually speak German. Despite trying to blitzkrieg the world in the name of lebensraum, and that whole Holocaust thing, Hitler finally found a way to become the everyman he'd always wanted to be. I'll bet there are even some Jews out there who will miss him, or at least his internet incarnation. Time may well heal all wounds, but don't be surprised if your suture scars are making a funny face at you.

Head over to the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) if you're interested in reading more about copyright law and fair use.

Spawn of Grindhouse

Remember Machete? You know... one of the fake trailers from Grindhouse? Well it's due out later this year (September 3). I'm guessing Robert Rodriguez has been un castor ocupado between this and producing Predators.



As if that wasn't awesome enough, Hobo With a Shotgun - AKA faux trailer that won the SXSW 2007 Grindhouse Competition - is currently being filmed as a full-blown feature. Playing the title character? Rutger MFing Hauer. Get pumped.

Will Eli Roth bring us Thanksgiving? Will we ever get to see Nic Cage play Fu Manchu in Werewolf Women of the SS? One can hope.

Something Original?

Dear Mr. Burton,

When was the last time you went for broke on untrodden ground? When was the last time you weren't adapting something (Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) or essentially rehashing old ideas (Corpse Bride)? 2003... Big Fish. Before that? Not counting the underwhelming Stainboy shorts, 1996... Mars Attacks!. And, for as much as I personally enjoy the movie, Martian invaders aren't exactly revolutionary. I adore Ed Wood (1994), but the only truly original part of that movie is that Eddie never met Orson Welles in real life. I'm obviously not going to count either of the Batman movies, so what does that leave us? Edward Scissorhands (1990) and Beetlejuice (1988). All I'm saying is that you've been riding a wave of popularity for being so 'bizarre' when you really haven't been since the 90's.

Maybe a little fresh blood would help. When was the last time you didn't cast Johnny Depp? Big Fish. Or your wife, Helena Bonham Carter? Sleepy Hollow (1999). On top of that, the only films of yours Danny Elfman hasn't scored are Sweeney Todd (which, of course, came with its own music) and Ed Wood. It's not that Johnny or Helena aren't laden with an overabundance of talent, because they clearly are; it's not that I don't enjoy Danny Elfman's music. I guess I just see other directors using other actors and getting along just fine.

Maybe taking a little extra time to develop truly new ideas would give us a whole new set of reasons to hail you as the King of Weird Shit. In the meantime, I'm giving pieces of that crown to Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) , Neil Gaiman (Coraline and MirrorMask), Terry Gilliam (The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus and Tideland), Richard Kelly (Southland Tales and Donnie Darko), Tarsem Singh (The Fall), and Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim).

It's not that I don't look forward to seeing your latest projects, Tim. I enjoy being able to recognize that something's got the Burton touch, not unlike gratuitous shots of women's feet in a Tarantino film. What I'm trying to say is that you haven't challenged me as a viewer for quite some time.

Index This

For a YouTube channel whose most popular - and largely humorless - series of videos is called Make a Hot Girl Laugh, the satire in Google Threatens To Kill Users is surprisingly well-written. Like we needed any more proof that the phrase "XXX,000,000 (insert here) Fans Can't Be Wrong" is complete f***ing bull****.

Google, where's my gTeleport already?

Cheese-A-Thon

Some make you cringe, some make you laugh, some get repeated constantly, and others have turned into memes (speaking of which... where's "You're the man now, dog."?). There are a few inclusions that I don't find cheesy enough and a few that just aren't cheesy at all, especially in context. But with those caveats aside, this is a pretty accurate and pretty fun list. I was glad to see that special attention was paid to the Governator, Keanu, Batman & Robin, The Wicker Man, and the Star Wars prequels. Personally, I would have loved to see "Holey rusted metal, Batman!" And there has to be something from a Star Trek movie worth including. Come on, there's eleven of them; throw a rock.

A list of the films is in the info box on YouTube, but maybe you want to see how many you can name first. Oh, and please please please pleeeease check out The Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time.

The Life Arachnid

I think Wes Anderson's penchant for ensemble casting would make him go whole hog for the entire Avengers team. Personally, though, I think he'd have more fun with Runaways.

While I'm dreaming, Quentin Tarantino will reboot X-Men, J.J. Abrams will reclaim Star Wars, Joss Whedon will do Y: The Last Man justice, Guillermo del Toro will bring The Walking Dead to life, Peter Jackson will dazzle us with Fables, Zack Snyder will use his 300 magic on Northlanders, Paul Greengrass will unleash DMZ, Martin Scorsese will find the darkest parts of Scalped, and Christopher Nolan will take the WildStorm universe seriously enough to create a trilogy featuring characters from Team 7, Stormwatch, and The Authority.

Did I miss anybody?

How To Report The News

Just two weeks ago I was singing the praises of Dead Set, the British zombie mini-series. Turns out that Charlie Brooker, the brilliant writer of the show, is also responsible for this scathing skewering of news reporting convention. One might say he's got them 'dead to rights'.

"And this is a lighthouse keeper being beheaded by a laser beam..."

Keep It Covered

Things people love: sex, cartoons, and not getting diseases. Unless you're the Pope; I hear he loves diseases.

Troops

This is an old favorite. Kinda makes me wish they'd made TESB and ROTJ episodes of Troops, too.

I wonder how a Star Wars version of The Wire would play out... instead of dealing drugs maybe they could smuggle Bacta or something like that.

Big Brother Blood Bath

It's easy for me to hate most "reality" tv shows, but especially one that trivializes the work of George Orwell. What better way to bring the wankers down than plop them into a chapter of World War Z? It warms my heart.

America, the Hypocrite

From Wikipedia: "According to the United States Government Accountability Office (GAO), there are 1,138 statutory provisions in which marital status is a factor in determining benefits, rights, and privileges."

The U.S. government's definition of marriage is not inherently the same as that of any religious institution, nor should it be. Voting to deprive same-sex couples equal rights under the law simply because you disagree with their lifestyle is against the quintessential idea of America: freedom. Keep your churches separated from my states.